“Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the ‘good life,’ whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.”
Hunter S. Thompson
![freeindie:
A young Jon Stewart moshing at a Dead Kennedys show.
[Via LS]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyhgz7y3Cl1qcd80so1_1280.jpg)
Good February sunshine songs
1. Bang Bang- Salvatore Bono
2. Will We- Nana Grizol
3. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea- Neutral Milk Hotel
4. Left on Laura, Left on Lisa- The Avett Brothers
5. You Wouldn’t Like Me- Tegan and Sara
6. Bear- The Antlers
7. Walk in the Park- Beach House
8. Nantes- Beirut
9. For Emma- Bon Iver
10. Death or Glory- The Clash
11. West Coast- Coconut Records
12. Everyday Should be a Holiday- The Dandy Warhols
13. The Engine Driver- The Decemberists
14. Do You Realize??- The Flaming Lips
15. Two Weeks- Grizzly Bear
16. Harmonica Song- The Helio Sequence
17. Frozen Frogs- The Hugs
18. Boxer- Lovers
19. Rotten Hell- Menomena
20. Tambourine ‘n’ Thyme- Nana Grizol
21. Granny’s Song- The Old Believers
22. We Will Go Everywhere (pt. 2)- Please Step Out of the Vehicle
23. 1000 Years- Portugal. The Man
24. Caring is Creepy- The Shins
25. America- Simon and Garfunkel
26. King of Spain- Tallest Man on Earth
27. I Was Born (A Unicorn)- The Unicorns
28. Magic Light- Wampire
29. Heart Skipped a Beat- The XX
It’s long but worth it.
Sometimes it’s a blessing to be able to sit in the same place for hours on end, staring into space, and not get bored. It makes travelling by car more enjoyable, especially since I can’t read or look at anything for too long without getting nauseous. It also makes my classes more tolerable, since picking through split ends is actually more entertaining than whatever the professor is talking about. My job, working security at concerts, is essentially sitting in a chair, in the same room, without leaving, for as much as 14 hours in one day. Occasionally someone will come by, possibly even a member of the band, and ask me how I’m doing, if I need anything, or some attempt at a witty remark or something along the lines of “Smile!” and “Get excited!” I’ll smile at the command and pretend to be excited but in my head it’s more like “I’m sitting in a chair, what exactly is there to be excited about?” But I pretend for them. Eventually, these passing comments turn into “Are you bored yet?” For the most part I answer honestly and say no, but I play it off as if I’m just saying it for their sake and I’m actually bored out of my mind sitting in the same chair for hours. But the truth is, watching people doing their thing, getting ready for the concert, seeing the inner workings of the backstage area at a large scale concert, along with the 30 second conversations and the endless stream of consciousness in my own head, is all infinitely entertaining and the hours pass by quickly. However, to maintain the appearance that I am a normal human being, I will eventually lie and admit to being slightly bored, which is usually met with a response something along the lines of “Good, I was starting to worry about you,” which only makes me worry that it’s not normal to not get bored in that situation.
It’s similar on planes. I live about two 45 minute flights from my home, which is hardly enough time to break out a laptop or iPod when there’s only around 15 minutes of time to use approved electronic devices. So, often times I’ll just sit, looking out the window if I’m fortunate enough to have a window seat, or just lost in thought. I’m reminded of the Seinfeld episode in which Elaine is travelling with her boyfriend (Putty, I think his name is?). They’re on a plane and he just sits and stares, denying Elaine’s offers for something to read. This bothers her so much that she has to (re) break up with him. I could easily be that person, just sitting and staring on the plane. Are my seat mates as enraged by this as Elaine was? Do they see it as completely abnormal? Or are they too busy with their entertainment that they don’t notice the weird girl not doing anything?
I like to think there’s something virtuous about not needing to be constantly entertained in a society and generation that does not have an attention span and needs some device to keep us busy at all times. I’m sure people back in the day just sat and stared all the time, and because of all the extra time spent thinking they were able to develop new theories and philosophies and thus the greatest thinkers of all time were born. Maybe we don’t have any great philosophers anymore because nobody takes the time away from Twitter and Facebook to just think. Or maybe I’m just justifying the fact that I don’t get bored that easily and that actually is abnormal.
There’s that song by Born Ruffians called “I Need a Life.” You hear that title and think “Hey, me too!” Human contact is rare these days, but that title makes you realize that you may not be alone. Then you listen to the song and see that they actually do have a life, one that mostly takes place at night, and that you are, in fact, alone in your lack of a social life.
Of course, there are millions of songs about being alone, lost loves, and leaving everything you know and love behind for something unknown and, quite likely, unlovable. You listen to those songs on repeat because they allow you to wallow in your own self-pity, not because they make you feel better. You don’t want to feel better. You want to wallow.
I recently moved back to a town I strongly disliked to attend a school that I feel no sense of obligation or connection to. I was here and I was miserable. I went home for breaks and I was happy. Seems logical enough to go where you are happy and not return to the place where you are miserable, especially if you were given the option to stay away. But in the last two weeks of school it finally stopped snowing and I started having sex and I hung out with someone once or twice. So life seemed okay and I decided to give it a second chance. In fact, for the first couple weeks of summer, before the weather got nice and the rest of my friends were released for summer vacation, I just wanted to be in this town, doing God knows what because I don’t know what people do for fun here. But it’s beautiful when the sun shines and the grass is green and the flowers bloom. People come out of hiding in their winter clothes and start to excitedly leave the house without jackets and show off their wintery pale skin. This excited me and gave me hope for a future here, despite hating every other second of it.
But after enough time home, when summer’s glory truly kicks in, I slowly forgot about this place and why I wanted to return here at all, and remember my original plans of coming home and going to my dream school. But this doesn’t come without a period of torment and constant questioning about what the right decision is and constant fear about making the wrong one and an overwhelming need for someone else to make it for me. This vulnerability allows the slightest input from others sway me completely: The professor who says he’d be sad to see me leave, the occasional text from a future roommate saying she’s excited for me to come, and the drunk texting from the two week fling that occurred right at the end of the semester. In my desire to not disappoint anyone, all these remarks make me want to return because someone kind of wants me here. And even though everything about home trumps that, I still email my professor and tell him I’ll be coming back and tell my roommate to save that spare room for me.
Eventually, though, I am reminded why I disliked this town in the first place. All the opportunities and prospects that seemed so bright and shining at the beginning of summer fade and things return to the way they were before. The idea of home looms in front of me daily and I want nothing more than to return though. Still, one good day is enough to make me question everything again; one happy conversation, one promise to hang out in the future. Maybe this place isn’t so bad after all. But ultimately, it doesn’t click, there’s no connection. There may be some virtues to it, but why should one good time defer me from a place that nearly guarantees daily happiness. Leaving a place, even when it’s not the right place, is difficult, but decisions must be made. Leaving isn’t quitting. Going to where you can be happy isn’t failing. Doing what is right can be hard but it’s not wrong.
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